Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
