i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
