I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize