After last night, I could never be a politician.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
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