Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
