it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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