Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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