was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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