Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
