Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
