Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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