Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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