ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
