I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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