I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Dick very happy bro
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
