we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
