If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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