ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
