I hope mine doesn't look like that
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
