Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Randomize
