I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
