I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
