there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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