do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
