1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I'm eating all of the evidence.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
