Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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