Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Buhtt sex?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Is it because I queefed?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
