can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
