please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
