Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
i believe in u and ur pee
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
