I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
honey bunches of taint.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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