dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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