I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
