I like to think it a success when the cops are called
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
