You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
