i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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