I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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