just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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