Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
