You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
