Why are handjobs necessary in class?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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