Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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