You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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