Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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