i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
