I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
