I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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