Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
