we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
