he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
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