Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
