my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
